nom nom nom a kuroshitsuji black butler fic
by nadzuke eno mono
Summary: "sebastian. grell. ronald.william.ciel.alois.claude." i said.  "what in gods name are you doing in my house, let alone this universe?"  "believe me miss, god has nothing to do with this."  "shut up sebastian!, it was my psycho otaku friend, and her computer! darn internet memes.."  "hey,you could still join me!"  "Alois your starting to sound like russia from hetalia..so no."  help
1. Chapter 1

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, by the door the woman nodded to the torture master. A thick warm substance was layered on my face above my eyes and around my mouth, I nodded to the woman closest to the door and it began…

All the people in the other rooms could hear was screaming.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" mom, the woman by the door asked.

"It wasn't so bad once you got your facial hair RIPPED AWAY FROM YOUR FACE!"I yelled, exiting the shop

"Baby"

"Shush"

"Did you just tell me to shush?" my mom said, her tone shifting dangerously.

I shook my head "nope" I said innocently, pushing my layered side bangs away from my 'nerd' glasses.

I opened the car door and sighed buckling my seat belt and putting on my head phones and turning up the music, I was listening to Freddie mercury belt out a song about 'good old fashioned lover boys' when my phone buzzed. I looked down it was Soup also known as….everyonesfangirl13579.

"Moshi-moshi, onee-sama!" I texted happily on my Samsung smiley.

"Hi Beru-chan!" the quick reply said

We soon got to talking about our favorite topic, kuroshitsuji, subtopic sebas-chans nice ass.

"It is too round!" Soup texted

"wtf! How do you know that!" I replied.

"gtg brb, kk?"

After I said it was fine that she had to go, I walked into my house and went straight into the computer room, which took me about two seconds so I checked my phone for any new texts... none.

I closed my phone and sighed, so I checked my fan fiction account.

Honestly I was so bored even RANGIKU MATSUMOTO fan fictions could keep my eyes from glazing over.

"Hello…? is anyone here ?Please I need help!" a voice called from the front door of the house.

Being the caring girl I am I armed myself with some mace before standing in front of the door.

"Please!" the voice sobbed "heelllpp me! He's coming!"

I panicked and being a total noob opened the door to what had to be the cutest boy I had ever seen. His hair was a soft silky blond and his light blue eyes glimmered in the now dying light.

"Can I come in?" he said slowly His eyes traveling to mine, I felt hypnotized

"Stranger danger..." I mumbled

He looked at me questioningly and his arm moved to my face, cupping my cheek "he's coming you know and he shan't be happy." he whispered "you should hide me." My mind fogged over, why not have this cute boy come in? I smiled so cute and that accent was so British and adorable. I opened the door wider, and words **unbeckoned** came into my mouth.

"Please come in."

"Who's at the door?" my mom called

"No one!" I yelled back, looking at the unknown stranger.

He smiled at me again "please? I am ever so hungry"

I shook my head " I don't invite strangers in to this house" and closed the door in this face.

I heard the stomping of feet as my mom descended the stairs, "who was that?".

I smiled "the neighbors" I said simply, and walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

In a land with no time immortality is not hard to come by…..

Lewis Carroll –Alice in wonderland the Broadway musical.

Hi everyone! This is nadzuke eno mono! I love writing fan-fictions, it makes me so happy. So continue to make me happy, ok?

I do not own kuroshitsuji, or Pluto would have lived!

I bit my nails, a bad habit I know, but I couldn't handle this .Like most other teenagers my age I was afraid of the dark….being sarcastic of course…not really though.

I mulled over the events of the day, from having fuzz brutally ripped off my face, to meeting a creepy blond kid. Honestly, it still weirded me out that I would open the door like that, just kind of like…. sure random creeper, please enter my home!

"Hahahaha" a chuckle emanated through the air.

I sat up in bed

Oh .my. Gosh! he's in my house!

I breathed in and went down stairs grabbing the mace as I exited my small bedroom.

Walking down the stairs slowly I could imagine what a favorite author of mine, Beryl Bloodstone, would do…..

IF BERYL BLOODSTONE FOUND A CREEPER IN HER HOUSE…

BERYL WOULDN'T TAKE IT! No body was gonna creep in her house!

Dialing the number of a friend of hers beryl smiled, and some where a puppy died.

"Hello, who is this?" a womanly voice came through the cellular communication device.

"Grell, darling I think some trash may have wandered into my home…"

"You want me to take care of it?"

"With sugar on top"

"Coming over then, I've just got to put on my face, and I'll paint that creeper a beautiful red!"

"Grell, babe, you can paint him yellow for all I care! Get him out!"

"But yellow is so tacky! It's the color of—"

Beryl hung up and went to bed confident her problem would be taken care of in the morning, as she rolled over in bed she laughed and pulled down her sleeping mask, which had the words 'like a boss' embroidered in green thread.

END DAY DREAM THINGIE…

"Hello is anyone there?" my voice echoed around the down stairs kitchen, and I received no answer.

Well of course I'm not going to get an answer! It's not like I can yell 'Marco' and creeper will just yell polo!

"Why hello" a sultry yet familiar voice purred "how are you doing tonight?"

I shivered, which I don't usually do unless it's really cold, and it wasn't cold.

I turned around and froze; two cobalt blue eyes stared at me.

Dark ate at the edges of my vision threatening to overtake my sight, but I just breathed in deep breaths, the anti- Mary Sue breathing technique, courtesy of Mary sue awareness coalition.

Something whistled through the air, and hit my head….. HARD!

"Owwwww!" I whisper shouted "that frikkin hurt!" I got up slowly holding my head getting really angry.

"What the *censored*! I will *censored* kill your sorry *censored* and *censored* your *censored* so you'll have to *censored* sideways, you *censor*censored* censored* *censored**censored* Mickey Mouse! *censored**censored* soup! *censored**censored* two *censored* faced *censored*!"

I breathed in and out quickly trying to catch my breath; I then looked into the creepers eyes, and remembered where I had seen him before.

"Alois Trancy, What are you doing here?"

So how did you like it? I know I like it! Review this for me okay?

P.s shout out to:

AnimeOutcast001

TailsDoll123

Quiet Harmony-Chan

Thx For reviewing!


	3. Chapter 3

Moshi-moshi my readers! I'm going to be changing the name of this fic and the summary! So I'll need your help for this one!

Send me the coolest but relevant name for this fic, and the new summary too then I will set up a poll so we can vote!

BTW you can call me NEM if nadzuke eno mono is too long!

I don't own kuroshitsuji!

I turned on the lights.

Alois's eyes widened slightly, I sighed slightly, and we both had a stare-down.

"How do you know me?" he whispered

"Bro, your only one of the most sociopathic man-hoe's in history! I cant believe Grell didn't kill you in episode five of season one!"

Alois's eyes narrowed, "well bitch, let's get something straight here. I am not a whore, and you are not my 'bro', dumbass!" He yelled seeming to be growing taller even though were the same height.

My eyes watered "my mom will hear you if you yell" I said, my voice barely above a whisper, I know it's dumb but after getting yelled at by the earl of Trancy it's all I could think of.

"You think I care about what that whore hears?" he asked

"My mom is not a whore, Luka would be ashamed, you mother-"

SLAP!

My head jerked to the side and I tasted iron

"You slapped me..." I stated blankly "you actually hit me..."

Alois was breathing hard, and his hand was red from the force of the slap.

I touched my cheek gingerly; it stung a lot, (but not as much as waxing your face).

"Never speak his name, you BITCH!" he gasped out, grabbing my hair close to my scalp.

Let's just say that I was pretty much repeating 'I'm sorry', over and over again.

Alois got in view so all I could see was his face, and I realized I had screwed with the wrong earl.

"I could kill you" he stated "but too many people would notice, you gone"

I gulped pretty loudly then, and his eyes snapped to my face, and… he laughed?

He still had my hair in a death grip, but now he was laughing his head off.

I was in shock still ,but I decided to use the six months of MMA training I had, even though my last class was years ago.

I bunched my hand into a fist, and threw a punch; it missed his nose, but got his cheek pretty good.

Alois was unfazed; he smiled which, truth is told, made me wet my flannel pajamas a little bit. "That was really lame." He deadpanned

"Well, sorry you pedo-creeped into my house and decided to beat the shit out of me, you sadist!"

"Apology accepted"

"Jerk!"

"Bitch"

"WHORE"

"Your comebacks suck ass!" he laughed

"I hope you get raped!" I retorted. His eyes went dark.

"I already have" he stated, and let go of my hair.

I sighed, "Alois?" I whispered "thank you..."

He turned around, "oh yeah, and one more thing"

"What is it?" I asked.

"Look into my eyes"

"Why?" I asked but complied, only to realize that maybe that wasn't such a good idea, too late.

My head felt light, n dim pretty sure I was smiling.

Alois leaned in, his breath on my cheek "you wont remember any of this"

I nodded, and the world's colors were enhanced seven-fold.

Alois grabbed my hair again, softly and smiled.

Why is he smiling?

I like it when he smiles!

I giggled out loud, and at that moment his spell was broken. Alois didn't know that!

Alois kissed my cheek lightly, and my face grew red.

"I am your master, what's your name?" he whispered, his breath hot on my ear.

"Master my name is..FECK OFF!" I yelled, Alois jumped a little, and with a nasty smirk brought my forehead down on the granite countertop of the kitchen with a sickening thud.

Black fizzed around the edges of my vision, and this time I didn't think I could stop it.

Sorry for the cussing, but I watched kuro again and realized that Alois Trancy is 5'5 just like my o.c( Beru), and is fourteen, like my o.c.

Alois has quite the potty mouth (I'll tone it down though) so review!


	4. Chapter 4

I am sorry for not updating, there really is no excuse(blame it on writers block) but rest assured i am baaaaaaaaaaack! And since i love my favorite authors and other reviewers, I will post this new chapter!

Oh. My. Josh, it reeks of antiseptic here, it's dark, and my head hurts...Like a boss. "OwwwwwwWWWWWWWWW!" I groaned, which was followed by an "Ugggggghhhh..."

The duck? Why am I so groggy? Some thing tickled my face,I reached up to bat it away.

Bro, nothing messes with my nose! It rests upon my sexy visage, of pure AWESOME!

I shook my head to and fro (Because swinging side to side is so last year!).

Get this, it DIDN'T STOP! So being a totally awesome and sane person, I smacked my nose...multiple times, if it wasnt obvious,with my hands.

"What is she doing?"

"She okay?"

"I blame it on the meds!"

"Well at least she isn't paralyzed..."

Whispers floated throughout the room, but one stood out from all of them.

" Hello, Bell? I am Dr. Thompson. Could you give me a sign that you are concious?"

Nerp! No signs of consiousness for you doctor! I am rebelling! REBEL-ING!

"Ow."

I heard him shift next to me. "Now Bell, I am going to test your eyes,just to see if they're damaged." I nodded "It's cool with me."

Something moved around my head,"Welcome to the world!"

I blinked...BLACKNESS!

I moved my head "Nope! I-I cant see anything!" Now I was starting to panic.

"This shit's broken! I can't see!"

"Bell,you're... blind?"

I turned towards the sound. "Mommy? A-Am I-"

"Oh my god! My baby is blind!"

People started to chatter,really loudly might I add.

"EVERY ONE SHUT UP AND GET THE *EFF* OUT!"

People went silent,others just gasped.

"She is in shock, let her rest." I could tell that was .

It's safe to say i cried my self to sleep that -what ever time it was.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox TIME SKIP! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

When I woke up I heard whispering, "Hitting her head that hard wouldnt blind her-"

"But she's BLIND, Thompson!"

I knew that first voice was ,but who was the other voice?

"I'm a doctor!,who are you?"

Ha! That reminded me of Hetalia! Ya know, Kumajiro and Canada!

"_Who are you?" *__**Cue Moe Face**__* "I'm Canada,your master." _Such an epic fantasy!

(Hetalia season one $ 23.42 on Amazon.

when Hetalia becomes relevant in reality? PRICELESS!)

"A cafeteria worker." That right there was an awesome clue!

"Yes, so I suggest you leave now."

What the DUCK? What's happening here? I mean seriously, why would my doctor want to talk to a cafeteria worker of all people?

And if my 'head injury' wasnt enough to make me blind, then what did it?

I heard footsteps come closer to my bed from the door. Being blind sucks for this exact frickin' reason, because ya don't know who's coming up to you; it could be a hot guy, or a serial killer, so you could imagine how annoying not seeing this guy was.

" Why, hello you blind bitch!" a familiar voice spat gleefully in front of me. Fuck. My. Life!

"A-Alois? The duck are you doing here?"

"Nothing serious, just wondering if you'll give me your eternal soul."

"Oh..wait, **WHAT**?"

"Make a contract with me"

"Alois?"

"That IS my name!"

"I hope you get raped by Hannah!"

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading! I swear I will try to update more often, shout out to Everyonesfangirl13579 for helping me edit this! {Everyonesfangirl13579 here, cheries! Hope you enjoy the time I took editing this thing of grammar mistakes :3}**

**and Beryl Bloodstone for the Hannah joke!**

**until next time!**

**Love,**

**Your Overlord Frenchie!**

**(aka NEM)**


	5. Chapter 5

Torture of a thousand souls! I apologize for not updating!

Here ist you chappie mein freunds!

Have you ever wondered what its like to be blind? To open your eyes, expecting to see a room but instead seeing just…..nothing? In the morning you wake up, ready to see something, just ANYTHING but instead having the world stay black?

It sucks majorly!

Not knowing whether a sociopathic blond demon is going to jump out of your closet, or if someone is coming to kill you? Have you ever experienced the hopelessness of needing help to go to the bathroom?

So here I am, in a hospital bed just waiting for something, a light, some movement, even a flicker of color in a monochromatic world, but getting none.

"Hey blind bitch!" a voice rang, oh crap, HE'S back.

"Sir Booty shorts, 'tis a pleasure to meet you again." I droned, waving my hand half-hazardly in the air.

"To what do I owe this immense pleasure?" cue sarcasm! The beds weight shifted

"Well, I just wanted to inform you that red isn't your color." Really Alois Trancy? I couldn't tell.

"It's a favorite color of mine-"

"Pity you can't see it!" he cut in.

Bitch

"Well, you did blind me!" honest to god! This blond-ho-faced-Barbie-poser has to come visit me, what did I do to deserve this?

"Well I did have some vital information regarding your mental health and sanity, but if you wanna be an ass…" he trailed off.

"Listen ho-bag! I'm blind, being harassed constantly by the love child of Tamaki Suoh, the viscount Druitt and-"

"Who is Tamaki Suoh?"

"Don't interrupt me! and France from Hetalia." I sighed and fingered the ruffled edges of my hospital blanket. Jeebus, if I could just get my hands on a demon sword…Hannah! Wouldn't I have to drag it out of her mouth though…?

EW…

"Ohonhonhon, did zomebody call me 'ere?" a voice whispered suavely by my ear, I tensed up and felt the bed shift again under Alois' weight.

"We meet again Alois Trancy! How is my Claude-kun?" THAT is a familiar voice!

"Onee-sama?" I whispered and reached out my hand to feel who ever it was.

I felt air, moved my hand again… more air..i moved my hand down and to the right.

"Bitch get the fuck Offa my leg!" okay that was Alois.

Note to self: burn hand.

"Hey onee-chan! how ya doin?" the voice ( soup) echoed..

My eyes teared up, and I smiled, happy for the first time since that Hetalia moment yesterday.

"So I see you've met Alois Trancy, tell me what did you do to deserve this! Kick a puppy, rip kaibas blue eyes white dragon card, dear god don't tell me…you don't ship USUK?"

"psssht, I don't kick animals! Ronald would be on my ass about that-" I heard a giggle.

" quite incestual one-chan!" soup laughed.

" . !, THERE WILL BE NO INCESTUAL ACTIVITIES!" I yelled.

Oh mein gott people, while twincest may be okay for Ouran high school host club, it's not for reality!

My brother Ronald is a major lady killer, like, "oh what a pretty lady…..wanna do the nasty?"

Yep, eeeeww. Seriously though, what a man-slut!

"is she going to stare of into lala land forever?" Alois snarled" because i'm trying t make a Faustian contract here"

" ninja please, you think imma let chu do that shit to mah bestie, shit is getting real, goin sour, and hitting the motherfucking metaphorical fan!"

Woah, what the hell, did that really just happen?

I shook my head "Alois get the eff outta mein awesome room und go to hell. Onee-chan, visit me tomorrow, because im tiiiiired." I whined.

"okay, onee-chan! Alois come with me, because we have some serious shit to go over."

"whatever" sir whore-shorts replied.

"rejiciunt, daemon Recéde, porta!" soup yelled.

I felt warmth on my face, and the weight disappered off the bed. Thank god they were gone!

Since when did Soup know MAGIC?

Another chapter down... yes! Sorry for not updating, please review!


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